Sunday 9 August 2009

The Ratman of Southend


hey danny! I know u live in kent, but i don’t suppose uve been to southend lately? u said u wanted spooky stories and this one is pretty creepy. i first heard it last year when i found a note under my windscreen wiper. i think someone had been putting them on all the vehicles in trhe carpark.
But it was a load of writing, like a police notice. anbd it was basically telling people not to go under these tunnels at night. it said that some people had been hurt down there but didn’t specifiy what exactly had happened.
something u might find of interest
?”

When I received this e-mail in 2002 I didn’t bother replying. It wasn’t that I was ignoring the friend who sent it, but I didn’t quite know what to make of it.
For one thing, I knew the kinds of things that got shoved under your windscreen wiper. Menus for kebab houses, parking tickets, religious literature. But not this.
In truth I thought it was all a wind-up. Even friends who I have not seen in the flesh for many years are fully aware with my interest with all things paranormal.
No doubt this friend was just kidding to see if my head would explode from the awesomeness of his lie.
But two months later I received yet another e-mail. My friend had apparently been captivated by the story. He had gone to the effort of asking people about it, about what the police notice may have meant. And this is what he told me...

Many years ago a tramp lived under the tunnel in question. He was a bitter, strange man with many terrible secrets. He was also lame and relied on handouts to get through the days.
“Spare a bob?” He’d ask passersby, his friendly smile dissolving when their backs were turned.
But one night it all ended. A group of teenagers, all absolutely pissed by the way, came across the tramp and loomed over him.
After slurring a few insults, they gave him a thorough kicking and took his blanket as some sort of trophy of the nights sport.
Bleeding and now freezing, the old geezer was a dead man.
It was not a quick end either, he spent hours in the darkness. Muttering about the unfairness of his life, screaming for help and eventually vowing that somehow he would revenge himself upon the town that had let him die so miserably.
He was still conscious when a horde of rats began to eat at his fingers.
Someone, or something, heard the old mans pleas for vengeance. And his spirit was brought back to those tunnels.
His ghostly image was no longer human, but instead appeared in the hideous shape of an overgrown and diseased rat. Appearing at night and forever waiting for those he hated to cross his path. The young and the rich who had all the things he was denied.

When he sent me the story, albeit with many more grammatical errors, I was taken aback. You see, the town in which this supposedly took place is not very interesting. Southend-on-Sea is a sunny but nondescript seaside town in Essex. It has only ever been noted for having the longest pleasure pier in the world. So this dark piece of local lore came as quite a shock.
What I did find intriguing were the similarities of it to the Bunnyman story in America. In that particular urban legend, the ghost of a deranged murderer appears under a bridge after he was chased onto the train tracks above.
We all know how stories grow, it’s an endless game of Chinese whispers. It grows and moulds and changes in the telling. What once started out as a guy in a bunny suit could rationally evolve into a guy who now appeared in a rodent-like form and haunted a similar location.

I just chalked it up to a case of one myth being relocated to a different country and timeframe. It was nothing special, nothing really impressive or unique about any of it.
But in 2005 another friend from around that area sent me a link to a now-defunct website entitled The Southend of Hell. It was poorly made, a site created using the free Webs programme. But there were a few people who used it to genuinely talk about ghost stories in their town. Things like spooky houses and disappearing men on the pier.
They also, rather foolishly, discussed breaking and entering into buildings they thought might be haunted. Which probably explains why these loons packed up and went somewhere else eventually.
But one member also mentioned the Ratman story.
But this was an entirely different version. He said he heard it at school.

guys, shit, you won’t believe what i just heard??! i was at school but heard from a mate that the tunnels near the end of the high st. had something REALLY fucked up in them
a friend of my older brother said that the mayor had a son, a fugly son by another woman who was born looking like a rat
to protect his carer, the mayor had the baby put in the tunnel. it grew up all hairy and shit and is allowed to escape at night. go under there and itll try and eat you alive!
lets meet on Saturday and look under theer? GIOW
?”
- Written by a poster called – imaginatively – Solid Snake

And this was the point at which I began to take this all a little more seriously. I began to think it over and try to make some sense of it all. What did it mean? What was the underlying message?
A lot of urban legends have a theme. They often warn about the dangers of leaving children alone or try and teach you that you shouldn’t trust strangers?
But what were these variants of the same story saying?
An old misanthrope beaten to death and reborn as a ghostly monster. An unwanted child being locked away and growing feral.
If there is a meaning, a meaning beyond someone starting a rumour about an already unpleasant place, then I have no doubt that it centres around the hierarchy of society and how we treat those who are seen as inferior to us.
Both the tramp and the baby were, in their way, maltreated. And because of this maltreatment, because of the poor hand they were dealt they became monsters. The lowest rungs of society becoming representations of the lowest beasts in the animal kingdom.
You’ve got to admire the symbolism.

Saturday 18 July 2009

Candy-Tramps


I saw this poster on a lamppost two years ago. Thought you might be interested Dan. It looked authentic, but photoshop can do a lot these days, right? But the notice said that all parents should be on the lookout for a suspicious looking ice cream van. Two men were apparently lacing ice cream with some kind of poison and had put two children in the hospital. It never made the news, leading me to believe it was the sort of bullshit you might b interested in.”
Ant, Bethnal Green

one of my friends at school told me about this ice cream van that was poisoning kids at another school. U know anything about this?”
Sarah, London

In the numerous e-mails I receive there are often stories that go overlooked. And the reason they are overlooked is because they are so similar to other tales – most of which often originate in the United States. This is probably the reason that this story hasn’t really entered the public consciousness. Because it is, at the core, a rehash of the phantom clown scare in Boston.

Oh, wait, “what are the phantom clowns?”
Well, to sum it up simply. In Boston, there was a brief panic about men lingering outside schools in vans. Apparently they were trying to lure in children by dressing up like clowns. But people noticed they were naked from the waist down. Some believe it was based on a true story, but personally I feel it is just indicative of the negative image clowns have in our psyche.

But this story, of the so-called “Candy Tramps” is very similar. But instead of harlequins, it puts the focus on another segment of society that doesn’t quite fit in.
Let me go over the general story...

Two tramps in London are angry at society. They’ve been mistreated a lot of their lives and have never had the kind of luxuries us lot take for granted. So, in their rage, they hatch a plan.
They’ve noticed an ice cream man who lives near one of their sleeping spots. He keeps the truck in his driveway and on sunny days will go out and do his job.
The tramps lie in wait and when the poor man comes out they rush him, stab him to death and take his truck.
Then they lace all the ice cream with an unspecified poison (Because, as we know, all hobos are magically gifted with knowledge of deadly toxins) and set about getting back at society. By poisoning their children.
They travel around the city and kill about four kids, putting many others in the hospital. But when they try it on another little boy they hit a snag.
You see, in all the excitement of killing people, they had forgotten to clean themselves up. And it turns out that this child remembers seeing these two cretins begging by his house.
He goes to the police and they capture the two idiots.

Now, it’s not surprising that this story has come about. After all, the phantom clown incidents apparently stretched all the way to Glasgow. So maybe someone simply switched the setting, used the clown story as a basis and started telling people this whole recycled fable.
However, some variants of the story end very differently. With the child only having a suspicion that he recognises the tramps. They see that he could cause problems and to try and stop him talking give him loads of free ice cream. Forgetting the police warnings, the kid gobbles up all the free food and dies. Charming.

The message in this whole thing is a common one in these sorts of stories. It’s all about teaching children not to talk to strangers or accept gifts from strange men.
And I also think there’s a rather unpleasant undertone about the lower classes and a certain demonization of the homeless, which is probably why I’m not too keen on this one.
The truth is that people who have to sleep rough get a really hard time. People abuse them and routinely look down on the poor bastards. And I think that to spread this kind of crap about an already ostracised social class is very irresponsible.

Give them a pound or something. Don’t start telling people they’re all murderers and loons.

Sunday 5 July 2009

New YouTube video! New story! (Soon)

Howdy-doodle. Just dropped in to tell you that I've uploaded my second urban lgends video to YouTube. It's just a brief outline of the ghost car story on Canvey Island, so no need to get too excited if you've already read about it before.
And I will post my next discovery soon.
Tramps? Ice cream?
Keep watching...

Sunday 21 June 2009

The Phantom-Cars of Canvey Island


Hello everybody, I think we’ve waited long enough. Now it’s time to get down to business.
Namely, discussing urban legends and various oddities around England. But where to begin? Well, think me lazy if you will but I’m going to start closer to home. A place I’ve visited quite often and one, forgive me for saying, is not very nice or exciting or even hygienic.
Yep, I’m talking about Canvey Island.

Now, I know what you’re all asking.
“Canvey Island? Dan, what the fuck is so special about that shithole? The only thing spooky about that place is what goes on outside Kebab shops on a Friday night”.
Well, you’re wrong. Because from my correspondences with people all over the country I have received several accounts of strange goings-on at Canvey Island. A certain area specifically.
Why don’t I give you a sample of some of the stuff I’ve been told?

Hi Dan, I heard you were looking for weird stories around England, right? I live on Canvey Island (pity me) and have heard a hell of a lot about so-called “ghost cars”. Don’t know much else, but maybe it’s something you’d be interested in investigating?”
Some guy called “cdawg” sent me this e-mail waaaaay back in 2007.



u ok? Im just writing to let u no bout some mad shit on canvey island. i saw a car disappear. honest 2 god. i was walkin cross a brigde, it was foggy and i saw this old blue car on the grass near this shitty marshy place. i walked on bit further and lookd back. the car was gone
And I got that load of incomprehensible bollocks from a kid called Matt.

Now, from other accounts I was able to make an educated guess at the bridge they were talking about and the general marsh area too. So, with my little disposable camera in tow I decided to make the journey down there.
And what did I make of the place? First of all, what I noticed was how gloomy it was. You often get vast stretches of rural land, but this wasn’t pleasant to look at. It seemed like the kind of place that you could lose a shoe in if you went out there. Muddy, wet and horribly bleak.
If any kind of phantom vehicle were to appear, this would be the perfect place. It’s certainly spooky enough.

And let’s think for a moment about ghostly vehicles. What are they? Assuming they exist, I think that a reasonable explanation is that they are somehow the spectral image of a dead driver and his totalled car.
And what did I see when I was there? The bridge had a huge, gaping hole in it. A car could have easily plunged into the filthy water below. Perhaps this happened before, perhaps that’s why people are seeing things.
In the end you’ve just got to make up your own mind?
Are there ghost-cars lurking on Canvey Island?
Go and look!

Thursday 18 June 2009

New story coming soon!

Hello again, I'll be putting up a picture gallery and soon a story will follow. It will be the same one I covered on YouTube but hopefully I will discuss it in more detail. So keep your peepers peeled!

Wednesday 17 June 2009

Hello there!

Howdy, my name is Dan Watts and I’ve started this blog to explore all the various urban legends around England. I also tried to do this on YouTube but my camera’s been a total bitch. So, why not just do it here?
But first, a little info on myself, eh?

As I said, the name’s Dan Watts. I’m in my early 20s and moved to Kent from Wales when I was just a wee nipper. I first became interested in the subject of urban legends when a friend of mine was telling me about that familiar story of the hook-handed guy in the car. Since then it’s been a real passion of mine. But I also like photography and playing football with my friends.

But yeah, the blog. I hope to go around the country and maybe get pictures of strange places and report back to you, Joe Public, about what crazy shit is going down on our doorstep.
So, enjoy the Watts Report and I hope you stop on by again.